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the angry spirit

I wonder why its so difficultnto snap out from anger. Maybe because I always supress it until it bursts like a volcano. Sad thing about anger, at least in my case, is that nobody gives a damn. Sigh… really hard to be insignificant.

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August 25, 2013 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

what a blah day..

at work and all systems are down.. just like the state of my heart, haha.. emo mode.. i missed blogging but i have so much inhibition nowadays to even write a decent one. i hope to one day read back and laugh at all my sentiments because today, I read my previous posts from my previous life and I still feel the same sentiments. I guess that’s the price of not learning from experience, of repeating all the past mistakes. i may have grown in years but none the wiser. no ise for being sorry, i will never be able to turn back the hands of time. now i wonder if the future will be any brighter. cross fingers…

November 16, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

2011 about to end

so,  i guess i’ve come full circle since my last post. i’ve found a new.. should I say, a lame excuse of a guy on 2009 and the jrek cheated on me right under my nose. sigh.. i’m such a jerk magnet andmaybe that’s because i’m such a jerk myself, having guys who wouldn’t care whether or not they hurt me like hell. and every single day i get to watch the jerk and his whore be happy as if they’ve found the love of their lives.. when will mine come? i guess no  one’s out there for me so I pray that I’d learn to be content with just me, myself and I.. something’s so wrong with me and i guess i’m such a badass for relationships. so here I am, 30 and single, while everyone around me is practically getting married or gettingpregnant. sucks to be cheated on and the cheater ends up being happy while i’m being miserable.. sucks to be alone. my life sucks. i wouldn’t want anyone else, event my greatest enemy to have my kind of life. I hope God sees my life because it’s so broken and it’s so sad…

November 14, 2011 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

New Year, New Life

1 more day and a new year would start. I just cried earlier, first time ever that I finally had the time and the privacy to do so, and it felt so great. I made a resolve to be beautiful and happy… hopefully I’d be able to do so. I’ll love and pamper myself. I think I owe myself that after 4 long years of loving someone else other than myself. Someone who for a while didn’t treat me right, who loved me privately but can never be proud of me publicly. Why? Because he saidI’m fat, that I wear bad clothes and because I blow my nose too strong whenever I have a cold. So here goes, he never wants me to be seen with him by his friends, his family or anyone he knows because he said he’ll be teased. I thought I was that bad, lost my self confidence, and I agreed because I was so afraid of losing him. but now? I just don’t care… It had always been his way or the highway.. And it’s time to move on. Another year, another chapter, another road..

December 30, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Xmas Day!

Christmas day today… pero ang lahat ng happenings ay nangyayari naman talaga sa bisperas, then christmas day itself, la lang, borlogan marathon ang nangyayari. Parang sakin, everything significant happened nung palapit pa lang ang pasko, 13th month pay, xmas shopping, breaking up… waaahhh!! hindi nya ko binati nung xmas. Akala ko ba sabi nya ayaw nyang magkahiwalay kami? (Ok peeps, I’m right at this phase called In Denial stage kaya walang taasan ng kilay). Talked to Mrash kahapon, (imagine 24th of December tapos dalawa lang kaming nagtatrabaho minus the aircon? tsk!) Dami ko natutunan sa kanya when it comes to matters of the heart. Lam mo, sabi ng mga friends ko, parang okay lang naman daw ako. Of course I’m not okay! Pero syempre ma-pride ako. I will not tell them about the nightmares… I will not admit na kaya araw araw ako online is because I’m hoping na kahit isang maiksing Merry Xmas lang eh binati nya ko sa YM… na tingin ako ng tingin sa cp ko hoping na kahit isang forwarded message lang, may matanggap ako. And I’ve been hoping for a time alone para makaiyak na ko… kaso wala…Pero lamo, amazing thing is… I’ve met 5 people na may similar but not so very similar experience sakin. Parang gusto ko na ngang magtayo ng asosasyon para dito eh. Take the case of one “girlfriend” na they were together for 2 years. Little did she know na si lalake eh may 2 extra GFs on the side. Isang 7 months, isang 5 months. Si guy, nag leave ng 1 month from work para mag review sa board exam and she was supporting him financially dahil magkaaway yung guy and his dad. Then finally, si guy passed the board, became an engineer at ang sabi sa kanya, nagkabati na si guy at yung dad nya because of what happened. Syempre si girlfriend super happy and was looking forward sa oath taking. But well… wag na lang daw sabi ni guy kasiwalang pera. Wag na daw mag Oath taking. Eh hindi na din mashoulder ni girl yung letseng oath taking kasi nga yung sahod nya pinaghahatian nila ni boyfriend habang walang sahod si guy at nagrereview. Eh alam mo ba nangyari? Si Girlfriendfor 7 months lang naman ang kasama ng pamilya ni lalake nung oath taking. Tapos nung celebration, alam mo bang nangyari? Si girlfriend for 5 months lang naman ang nasa party. At sya? Isa syang alamat… sya na original, subok na matibay at maaasahan… Well, there goes Mr. Jerk Number 1. At dahil nakakapagod din namang mag type, lalo na at ayaw mong mahuli ka ng kahit sinong kasambahay na nag bablog ka pala… 1 last story to share…

Si Girlfriend Number 2 naman ay may Jerk boyfriend for 5 years. Bumili sila ng kotse at naghati sa bayaran syempre pa nakapangalan sa guy. Nagpaplano pa siya na bumili ng bahay para makapag settle down na sila. Si guy hurts her physically, tapos galit na galit if she eats french fries, liempo, ultimo pag kinain nya yung skin ng fried chicken. As in walk out ang nangyayari. You see, si girlfriend got fat because she was on a pill. Dahil ayaw nga ni lalake na mabuntis sya. What happened? Si guy eh isang TL sa isang call center called HTMT at di nya alam, popular pala sa one night stands… And this one agent was sobrang obsessing kay lalake at talagang naging regular dyug ata ni guy. mantakin mong si agent ay nagpadala pa ng picture nya ke Girlfriend at sa lahat ng friends nito na napapaluputan sya ng ahas, at ang message? “Ahas na kung ahas”. So nagbreak sila, nabuntis si agent at nung sinesettle yung hatian sa kotse, 30 kiyaw lang ang ibinalik kay girlfriend. Ang rason? Yung kaltas daw ay for all the expenses sheincurred during the times na nagdedate sila at hindi sya nagbabayad. Ultimate Loser talaga no? Ako, hindi ko naconfirm kung gano kalala ang ginawa ni ex.. tingin nyo it would help me move on if I’ve known the gory details?

Kaya lang, ayoko namang mamuhay in pain, anger and bitterness.. ako ang talo. so I guess… the road to moving on might be a long and hard (uy, long and hard ha! Wow! He he) journey… pero hopefully, I’ll get to pass it and move on to a better life (pray, pray, pray).

Thank you sa lahat ng friends who gave me advise. To those who were crying for me, who were mad for me. Pero most of all.. Thank you kay Doc Manuel who said na just tell him when I’m ready to date kasi he’s got friends he can refer. mamili lang daw ako kung gusto ko ng Pedia, Surgeon, Gen. Med or OB Gyne (Uy! Ha ha ha…) Best help I’ve ever offered (Char!)

  

   

December 25, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

moving on in christmas

        After 4 years, 1 month and 8 days, both of us had finally given up. For the past four years, I had this feeling that however good it was, it’s not gonna last. Probably because I’ve been his biggest secret all those four years that we’ve been together. Suddenly, out of nowhere, I received an IM from him telling me that things are not the way they used to because there’s currently an obstacle, that there’s something that he’s not been telling me because he might end up losing me. I was asking him how bad would that secret be? he just said that he might lose me and he doesn’t want that to happen because I was his first love. Then the next messages I’ve been getting both from texts and IMs are all about him being scared… (sigh…) So, I just put him out of his misery and told him that whatever it is that he just can’t tell me, I don’t want to know since it’s torturing him to know that I’ve been pestering him to let me know. I told him that we can just call it quits, that maybe it’s now time to give up since he told me that everything’s no longer gonna be the same. Sounds as if he already made a decision for both of us, sounds as if whatever we have is now hopeless..  And like the good boy that he is, he did as he was told.  Walang pagdadalawang isip…Akala mo hindi nya sinabing ayaw nyang magkahiwalay kami.. We lost contact and he’s no longer reaching out. I deleted his new number (good thing I decided not to memorize it), funny thing is, everything still seemed normal. Why? because he rarely texts (claiming that he’s phone is busted and he does’t have anyone to borrow cp from), he rarely leaves IM (claiming that he rarely goes online these days despite their broadband connection) and he very rarely ever calls.  I must admit, everytime I go online, there was a tiny spark of hope that he might have left a message for me, and when there is none, I would get disappointed and realize that it’s not something new. My cellphone will beep but I don’t have to expect that it’s him… and when the phone rings… well, it was never him anyway.  Asking him to call is like pulling a tooth out of him.

    On the bright side of things, I have a lot of wonderful friends who immediately came to my side… I thought when I left HSBC I’ll never find another clique who’d care.. My friend Ms. Bad Attitude hade cried for me and Doc gave me a comforting hug…. Beeann immediately welcomed me to the SMP club, and Crissy volunteered to smack my ex’s arse, he he he… well, sabi nga ni nanay ang lakad laging pasulong at kahit gano pa kaganda saka kasaya yung mga dating moments, hindi na mababalik pa… how true.. and how sad..

December 22, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Of Hardwork and Office Politics…

For the first time in my career life, I’m worried that I may not be regularized… this is how important my new job is to me.. I’ve learned the meaning of hardwork, of over time and office politics. Sa call center kasi, maski may mga taong hindi mo type, keber lang kasi you’re busy taking calls. pero dito, hay nako… The nerve of that newly promoted supervisor for trying to destroy our batch unity. And she has the guts to say that it’s something that she wanted to happen, yung mag away away kami. The only downside to this company is that, attitude and professionalism doesn’t matter to them. At the end of the day, they want to see the numbers. Where else could you see a newly supervisor who’s habit is screaming out foul words, flying paper air planes who’s sole intent is distract everyone who’s hard at work. San ka pa, may kausap kang taga insurance, ang bunganga ng bisor eh puro putang ina sa back ground. pag pinag sabihan mo, lalapit pa sa headset mo at dun pa magmumura ng magmumura. even the reps on the other line gets irritated, not because they know she’s saying something that’s foul but because she’s so irritatingly noisy. And guess what? May newly promoted Coal Coach naman, na ganun din ang bunganga. The only thing is, she’s the english version. Imagine speaking to a rep on the other side of the line, trying your best to sound professional and authoritative, while on the background, somebody’s yelling “F**k You! You bitch!” for the nth time? sigh… those are one of the few, but at the end of the day I’m still happy that I’ve met people who’ve taught me how to keep it cool, shrug it off and just work hard. By the way, the palengkera sup is not my supervisor, because had she been my sup, I would have resigned faster than she can say tang’na! My supervisor is awesome, I’ve been under a lot of very good supervisor, but this one I’ve got knows how to balance professionalism, familiarity and fairness. maski dinuduga na sya ng ibang sup, and we’re telling him to retalliate, he would always say that it’s not going to be fair. He knows how to drive us to work harder, and he recognizes that we’ve worked too much, even if the numbers says otherwise.. and I salute him for that. TL Jesse, you truly are one of a kind.

September 22, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | 1 Comment

new employee uli!

Veronica's Blog

after 3.5 months from my previous job,  lipat na naman ako sa panibagong trabaho. at least, may calls man, madali lang. saka out bound kasi kaya hawak mo oras mo. wala ka namang ibang itatanong kundi, ” what’s the status….” churva churva… yun naman eh, kung tamad ka nang mag isip kung anong nangyari sa account na tinitingnan mo. he he he..  ayos di ba? minsan parang tinatamad ako, pero pag naumpisahan na… nakakalimutan ko na ang oras. minsan di ko na din napapansin ang break. at least dito.. di katulad ng sa call center… CR ka lang, irereport mo pa. at hindi nakaka guilty ang umihi ng umihi. he he he.. matulog ka pa kung gusto mo… basta natatapos mo an trabaho mo.  happy din ako sa mga kasama ko sa work, wala ng intrigahan. wala na kasi akong kasamang ma-side comment (tsuk!), kumbaga, sa mga bagong kong clique, tanggap nila na may iba talagang tao na hindi mo ka jive, period. wala na yung laging napapansin yung sinabi ni ganito o ni ganyan. nakakamiss na din si Jazz, he he he… sayang kung nandito sya, belong na belong sya dahil madami akong kasama na sa medical field ang back ground.

     tatagal ba ko sa trabaho? ewan natin… sana… pero ayoko ng same role pa din ha.. ewan ko ba! pero di talaga nasama sa goal ko ang maging bisor. kaya siguro one of the many lang kasi ang output ko. tsk! hanggang ngayon kasi, hindi ko pa din alam kung ano ang gusto ko.

    may plano ako na one time, punta ako ng Dubai. tapos bakasyon lang ako dun, pero pa-part time part time din para may panggastos. nakakainip kasi na nakatali ka lagi sa desk. gusto kong mag liwaliw… mahanginan… he he he..

   buti na lang, kahit saan ako mag punta… may mga nami-meet akong tao na masasayang kasama. Cheers to my new friends!

August 4, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | 2 Comments

whew!!!

first week on the floor has finally passed, finally, there’s no more “labor pains” while sitting on the station waiting for a phone call. the product is not so difficult after all, customers are all nice (not that my previous customers from my former company aren’t so nice). just a bit more familiarity with the product and the system, then I’ll be all settled.

my new team is very amazing, they are approachable, killers on quality and sales, not to mention that they’re so much fun to be with. i hope i could meet their expectations (he he he)…

so far, my new work and the workplace itself is A-Okay. I hope I’d stay this happy for as long as I could, dati kasi, i was so happy na with the company and the process… kaso after a while, it just stopped being fun. sobrang I feel underrated do’n.no to mention ang baba ng sweldo ko, ha ha ha… for me it’s not so bad taking in so much calls as long as the pay is good. right now, even my family is happy because I can also spend for them na. unlike before, halos puro needs and wants ko lang napupunan ko.very minimal ang sobra for my family.

i still miss my old team, kasi iba na yung naging bonding namin, as in every obstacle had been surpassed na. but i’m glad i’m with a team who are just as supportive. hopefully things could only get better.

with regards to lovelife, halos zero because i don’ get to see the boyfriend as often as before. i actually made a resolution that starting this month, i’d focus on being me as an individual instead of being me missing my other half. sobrang liit na adjustment na lang naman ang gagawin kasi as i’ve said nga, the boyfriend is more absent than present. it’s no longer working out and am not so happy na. after a few months of mulling it over, i now feel that it’s not so bad being single again. and it’s not so bad even if i stay single for the rest of my life. i’ve my little angels (pamangkins) who love me unconditionally naman saka i have a wonderful set of friends (i thank God for sending them my way).

kaya like what i’ve said, since april had already started, i’ve reached a crossroad and made my choice. And my choice is to be single again and give that man his freedom back. and if God gives me another man to love and care for, i hope it’s going to be a two-way effort na…he he he… as in PARTNER talaga in the real sense of the word. but if no one else will come my way, that’s still okay. better be single than hurting di ba, and that boyfriend has given me a lot of pain and headache that him being a liability is so much more than him being an asset.and i think he’s been waiting for me to give up na din so he could be free.

so far i’m happy naman.. nice work, good friends, what more can I ask for?

i’ll cross my fingers, hope that everything works together for good.

CROSSROADS

April 1, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

NEWS FLASH!!!!

WAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!! Na-deactivate na ang same time namin…. Grrrrrrrr… Salamat Jiky ha!

Medyo magiging mabagal na ang flow ng chismis nito, email na kasi ang gagamitin if you want to pass on a “sensitive message”…

Paliit ng paliit ang circle of trust ko, he he he… At ang nanay nga naman, parang may ESP, nag send pa ng Picture Message that read “Whoever gossips to you will gossip of you.” Nakow, Matakot Ka sa karma ang film of the day Ati.

March 20, 2007 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment